Our Produce is Better by Thomas Lipschultz 7/22/99 SCENE ONE -- Voices of Cosmos and Walter. Pitch blackness. Walter. Walter. Walter. Walter. Walter. Walter. Walter. WALTER! Ngyeh... huh? What? What's wrong? It is time. What? Wh... what time is it? Three a.m., Walter. Ohh, come on! Why so early? I need my sleep, dammit... What you need right now, Walter, is your gun. Go get your gun, Walter. Go get your gun. YOU go get my gun! I can't, Walter. I'm you, remember? No. No. No, you're not me, Cosmos. Our produce is better because of me, not because of Cosmos. GET YOUR GUN, WALTER. Alright, dammit. One of these days, Cosmos, I'll figure out where you live. As soon as I do, I'm gonna add arsony to my prison record. You keep a prison record? Yeah. Yeah I do. I'm a prison. Am I your prisoner? I dunno, I think you might be the bars. Don't give me too much lip, Walter. It'd be a pity if they found out the truth behind their produce quality... wouldn't it? Dammit, Cosmos, I've got my gun, so let's go already. END SCENE ONE -- No stage directions. SCENE TWO -- Sara and Kirk sitting side-by-side. Fade-in. Giant. What'sat, Sara? Giant. It's Giant. The friendly... food... people? I've done my research. All of the killings occured exactly one mile from Giant number six thousand four hundred eighty two. The sites of death have formed a complete circle around it. Only one point remains undisturbed. D... dare I ask? ... Here. That's what I was afraid of. Are you afraid of death, Kirk? Hell yeah! We're the last. We'll go down in history. We'll be the end of the beginning of the end. Ahh... uhh... you seem d, different tonight, Sara... I feel different tonight, Kirk. It is a good day to die. IS there such a thing? You'll find out soon enough, won't you? You're really creeping me out, Sara... Our produce is better. What? Our produce is better. What's wrong with you? WHO ARE YOU? Our produce is better because of Walter. Our produce is better because of me. W... Walter? END SCENE TWO -- Fade-out. Gunshot, male scream, female laugh SCENE THREE -- Remains pitch black. Cosmos and Walter again. Wasn't that fun, Walter? Hardly. What are we using his body for? Why, lemons, of course. He was a bit of a sourpuss, very formal and composed. I see. He sounds perfect for the job. Shall I make the first cut? What does it matter? We're the same person, Cosmos. The prison and the bars, again? Walter, I'm only here to help you, not to trap you. We've killed six thousand people together. We can kill six thousand more. What is life to you, Cosmos? Produce! What a silly question! Is that all? Does it have no other meaning to you? Why should it? What else is it good for? People consume produce, Cosmos. Why, then, should they BECOME what they consume? You are what you eat, Walter. But-- YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT, WALTER. I... I need to draw the line. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, WALTER?! I need to... uhh... I NEED TO DRAW THE LINE. ... I mean it, Cosmos. ... You've sealed your fate, you know. Our produce is better because of Walter. That can be taken in many ways. I AM a part of you, Walter. So is Sara. But you know what? So is Kirk. And so are the six thousand people you've killed. Six thousand parts of you. Six thousand Walters. END SCENE THREE -- No stage directions. SCENE FOUR -- The lights very slowly fade-in to show Walter strapped to a chair with Kirk, Sara, and Cosmos circling around it, facing him, brandishing butter knives. The first voice is Cosmos, the second is Kirk and Sara in unison, the third is Walter. They may (and should) overlap. Look at yourself, Walter. Our produce is better because of Walter. No... no, stay away... You've been chipping off pieces of yourself this whole time. Our produce is better because of Walter. Lies! All lies! Our produce is better because of your body parts, Walter. Our produce is better because of Walter. AHHHH, I CAN'T FEEL MY ARMS! That's right, Walter, your arms made fabulous watermelons. Our produce is better because of Walter. WHY CAN I SEE THEM IF THEY'RE NOT THERE? Most of your brain is missing, Walter. It became spinach. Our produce is better because of Walter. NONE OF THIS IS REAL? Oh, it's real, Walter. You're a very unfortunate man. Our produce is better because of Walter. My healthy body, you three, the victims... THEY'RE the unreal, Walter. They're all you, all fiction. Our produce is better because of Walter. I'm... I'm slipping away... Our produce won't be the same without you, Walter. Our produce is no longer better. There is no more Walter. END SCENE FOUR -- Fade-out as everyone closes in on Walter.