THE DEVIL'S SCHEME by Thomas Lipschultz 11/12/97 "Derek, are you alright?" He was staring into the darkness. "Derek, speak to me!" That voice, hidden in the shadows... who was it? "No, Derek, please wake up!" The man was named Derek, obviously, but who was the woman shouting? I had to know. "Derek... please don't be dead!" I stepped into the alley. I was bathed in the light of darkness. But in its shady silhouette, I could see a woman's face. There were tears running down her cheeks, leaving trails of smudged make-up. She didn't see me at first, for I was as obscured in the light emanating from behind her as she was behind the wall of the alley. Then she saw me. She screamed. So did I. "WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!" She took out a knife. I screamed again. "WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!" She was saying something now. Something like, "Get away from me, you pervert!" She lunged at me with the knife. I caught it in my hand and the blade bent into a U-shape. I decided to say something a little more tactful. "Please tell me your name, o woman with a knife. I promise I won't hurt you if you tell me your name." She smiled at me. "I am Liz Claiborne." I staggered backwards. This was my enemy! At long last, the battle for the planet would take place! "So, Satan, who is this Derek creature, now dead and cold on the ground with a slice in his head?" Liz smiled. "That, my friend, is you. And you dare call me by my maiden name? I'd kill you on the spot right now, if I could, Mr. Properconcerns!" Yes, that's my name. I am Derek Properconcerns. To me, time is irrelevant. I AM time. I AM the way. While others worship Satan, the truly virtuous worship ME. And now, Satan challenges me in an alley, over my dead body! What else can I say? "KILL ME ON THE SPOT, FOUL DEMON OF DARKNESS! JUST TRY IT!" I drew my masamune and lunged at her. I cut her in half. Her skin fused back together, but she was FURIOUS. "You DARE defile my clothing? DIE!" She lunged at me again, but by now the whole battle was just one big yawn. "Dear, dear Satan, neither of us will ever win this battle. We CANNOT kill each other. Haven't you yet figured it out?" Liz smiled. "But look, Derek... there you are, on the ground, dead!" Indeed, I must have died in the future and been brought to the recent past. Liz smiled, as if she sensed my thoughts. "Yes, dear boy, you died in the future. I killed you there. I came here to mourn you and stalk you again, for without you, without the proper concerns of the world to undermine, the power of high fashion is useless. Fashion is used to corrupt the natural balance of the world and shift the concerns of people away from you, Mr. Properconcerns. Without you, I have a total hold on the world, and life no longer has any meaning for me." This puzzled me. "Why, then, do you come here to stalk me? If you kill me again, won't the same thing happen in a Groundhog's Day fashion, over and over until you are driven insane by constantly killing me? Can you not just fight me without the mortal threat?" Liz burst into tears. "The same thing would happen to me in that situation then, Mr. Properconcerns. I would have no reason to live if I knew you would never die. Fashion has no use if it has nothing natural to corrupt." Derek sighed. "Here you stand, Liz Claiborne. And here I stand. And here I lay dead. And here I shall die. For from here I shall not move until you decide to do what's right. But can Satan truly choose the correct path? My life depends on it." Moments later, Derek was dead, next to the bloody dummy on the ground. He had given himself over to death willingly, and thus made pleasant work of being slaughtered. Liz smiled. It was far too easy. "Far, FAR too easy," she muttered. Fashion had taken over the world. No other concerns mattered. The proper concerns were dead. Liz became the ruler of the planet. Now what? Hmmm... perhaps a victory can be a failure. Maybe the words she spoke had truth to them after all... Maybe life would be death for her. From now until forevermore. The ruler of the Earth, feeling pains beyond all sin. Let the charade begin.