The Poetry and Prose Portfolio of Thomas Lipschultz
updated 12/06/04
Most of these were written any number of years ago, so don't blame me if they suck. (:
And believe you me, there's a WHOLE LOT OF SUCKAGE in here... so don't say I didn't warn you. (:
Email: wyrdwad at metalbat.com
Enjoy!! (:


SHORT STORIES


* The ones I like best:

Crackhead Charlie and His Fantootilastic Menage a Trois With Justice
Did I Mention That John Smith Cares to Tango? and Other Thoughts Triggered By a Brass Nameplate Thought (original draft)
The First Person To Feel Khlaxio
The Story of the Stories of Jaqueline Madelaine LeBlanc and Marie Clark O'Nealsson
In Loving Memory of Roger, a Roto of a Toti, Josh.
Oak, Blood, and Thelma
Ja Iya (for three readers)
John Mulberry's Fact and Fiction
Edgar Allen
What Was I Thinking?!
I Can Save Time In a Bottle
The Happy Christian Couple's Story
Herman's Trip to Hell -- a Choose Your Own Adventure story
The Maze
Oswald
Oswald II: The New Batch
Oswald III: The Search for Spock
The Return of Oswald (Oswald IV)

* The ones I don't really like all that much anymore:

Our beloved hero, a plumber only in legend, travels into the depths of his own mind. I mean, hey! Another wacky Tom story!
1790
Pearl Bannisters
The Flame
Left
Stanford's Find
Precursor: Book Two of the Stanford Sequence
Prime Time
The Gates
The Toy Ball
Milton Bradley's Flaming Cul du Sac
Untitled (Earl finds a quarter in his ear)

* The infamous DreamSeekers series:

DreamSeekers, Chapter One: Matthew Glenlin
DreamSeekers, Alternate Chapter One: Earth, Lost Civilization, Year 1164 abM
The Metronome -- a story from the DreamSeekers universe

* Stuff written for school:

Where have all the seniors gone?
Enchantress In Passing (2nd draft, with original ending still intact)
Flying By the Seat of My Postmodern Pants (final paper for postmodernism seminar, final draft -- the paper that almost made me fail out of college!)

* Ask J. D. Salinger columns. For those who don't know, J. D. Salinger attended Ursinus College for one semester, but hated it and left. (: However, the columns he had written for the campus newspaper at the time were still intact in a special room in the library, and I was asked to write an advice column for the "Collegevillain" underground campus newspaper, in which all pieces of advice consisted 100% of J. D. Salinger quotes written during his semester at Ursinus. Unfortunately, week one's Ask J. D. Salinger column has been lost to the ages, it would seem... unless Steve still has a copy... but I'm rambling now. (:

Ask J. D. Salinger - Week Two
Ask J. D. Salinger - Week Three
Ask J. D. Salinger - Week Four

* VERY old (high school era) stories written during my "fashion is evil" phase. I don't necessarily agree with the morals of these stories anymore -- not completely, anyway. (:

The Devil's Scheme
Misadventures of the Treetown Squirrels


SKITS, PLAYS, AND SUCH


PsychoStalker: a live-action role-playing game (LARP) based on the PlayStation game "Clock Tower"
Our Produce is Better (in reference to Giant food market's short-lived slogan "Our produce is better because of Walter" -- Walter being the produce guy)
Hatpardy! - The Script
Hatpardy! - List of hats and their effects
Hatpardy! - Answers
Hatpardy! - Rules of play (for the guest host)
Approaching of the Storm (theatrical accompaniment for the Savatage song "Handful of Rain")
President Croesus, Superstar! (program)
President Croesus, Superstar! (play proper, written for mythology seminar)
Forgive Us Our Debates, as We Forgive our Debators (short play written for politics class)
Mi Casa Es Su Revolver (unfinished)


POEMS (in no particular order)


Yalli Soo (a motivational song for those engaged in eskimo spiricide)
Shikata Nai
Nocturne
Once Revealed in the Morning Sun
Finnegan's Sleep
In My Tea
Revovution
Untitled (four lines, self-referrential)
The Life and Times of Brendon Myze
cloudy rush-hour coffee run return
Esperanto
A Being Named G
glitter glitter fizzy-wozz -- an ode to Japanese game centers
Hinomaru no Setsumei no Shosaku no Koto
Itsu Commyunicate?
On Pinocchio's Nose: Is it broken, or is there More To Be Told?
Uncle Louie's Generous Donation
Weren't You In...?
Mikey's Day Offing
Thought Patterns of a Mattress Tag on Three Levels of Consciousness
Proclamation of Moss
Slippeth thee upon smatterings of nad-smash-octave glass
Alongside
Opera
Sad and Useless Evidence
Fascinating Man
Summer Day into Night
The Rook
Kokujin (unfinished)
A Child's Valentine
Incest, or Creationistic Magnetism?
Bitter Fantasy
One Plus One
Seven Thirteen
Found During Autopsy of Small Boy
B.A.R.B.I.E. -- a terza rima
Camelfiend
Avoiding Amy (is a good idea!)
A Certain Uncertainty
Merely a Chat
Dualism and Wildflowers
Evolution
Form-fitting
Ghosts of Society Present
I Give Up!
God Got Hungry
A Good Day
A Few Gray Years
Greed
Happenings
Twenty-One Lines of Pure Uselessness
Leah -- a poem written in the style of Leah
O Rabid Nightingale (to be read slowly, with feeling, and a British accent)
Not What You Think
Untitled (Hello I  am from Illinois)
Ode to Being Half-Asleep and Lazy
Barbara Morgan, Self-Portrait 1931 (inspired by a painting of the same name)
Sly Plotte and His Fantastic Scheme
Pretend
Untitled (Patrick Stewart)
Like Rain On Your Wedding Day
Untitled (Oh you just sicken me)
Midnight Sigh
Ode to Silantro
Untitled (Ode to Silver)
On the Death of a Snack Food One Day in the Park
So That's What Happened To Us In the Future
Tanka Odes
The Boss
The Writing of This
Tomodachi
The Java Trench
Untitled (3 poems, in-class brainstorming)
The Afterlife Under Windows 95
Wyrd Wish
Yggdrasil
Harry Hoodlum's Unfortunate Irony
Mantra 99 for A. Joe
Miss Alignment
Users -- a cinquain


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