THE SCRIPT (HATPARDY) (To begin: draw a grid on the board, 4 boxes in length, 3 boxes in heighth. Label the top 4 boxes, from left to right, "Math", "Activities", "Fiction Writing Class", and "Limbo Dancing". Each of the boxes in the next row should be filled with a "100". Each of the boxes in the bottom row should be filled with a "500".) Hello everyone, and welcome to HatPardy -- it's just like Jeopardy, but involving hats for some reason. However, I will not tell you in what capacity or to what extent hats are involved. At all. You'll have to figure it out as we go along, you lucky audience you. And by the way, a good portion of you will be called upon against your will to question my answers and be the puppets whose strings I pull, yank, and otherwise utterly utterly hopelessly contol. Just hope I don't get them tangled, which I most certainly will end up doing. First things first. For those of you who have been living under a rock in which no TV was present (or perhaps the lighting wasn't quite adequate for television viewing under said rock), I'll explain the rules of HatPardy for you, which bear an astonishingly coincidental resemblence to a certain show hosted by Alex Trebec. I choose a category. I read an answer from that category, circling its value on the blackboard. I pick a random audience member to supply a question for which the answer would be a correct response. If the audience member responds correctly, he or she is given either 100 or 500 points, as specified. Then, I draw a name from the Big Mug, and present a hat of my choice to the person whose name I've drawn. Each hat has a different effect upon its wearer, and no hat's effect may be refuted or argued with. Remember the Golden Rule, though: ALL RESPONSES *MUST* BE IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION. After 8 questions, the person with the most points wins and receives a fantastically fantabulous prize. OK, I think we're ready! First answer is from the math category, for 100 points. (Circle 100 under Math. Read Answer One. Pick random person to respond.) That is correct! (Give him/her 100 points.) Now, to pick a recipient of the Pokemon hat... (Draw name.) Sal! (Read Pokemon hat paragraph. Give hat to Sal.) Second answer is from the Fiction Writing Class category, for 100 points. (Circle 100 under FWC. Read Answer Five. Pick Sal to respond. Because of the Pokemon hat, response can only be his name. If he says "who is" before it, scold him and ask him to answer again.) Oh, I'm sorry! Your responses *must* be in the form of a question. That's too bad! I'll have to pick... (Pick random person, NOT who was picked before.) Correct! (Give him/her 100 points.) Now, to pick a recipient of the black cap... (Draw name.) Mike! (Read black cap paragraph. Give hat to Mike.) Moving on... (Circle 100 under Activities. Read Answer Three. Pick Mike. His response should be ludicrous because of the hat. If his response isn't ludicrous enough, say "I can't hear you, please speak louder.") Ooh, I'm sorry, but that's ludicrously incorrect! How about... (Pick person to respond who hasn't responded yet.) Indeed! (Give him/her 100 points.) And now for the distribution of the fuzzy top hat. (Draw name.) Genevieve! (Read fuzzy top hat paragraph. Give hat to Genevieve.) Next answer! (Circle 100 under Limbo Dancing. Read Answer Seven. Anticipate response from Genevieve without being called on. Call on Mike if you so desire. Call on someone else, then.) Yup, yup, yup! (Give him/her 100 points.) It's time now to give out the coveted Tom Lipschultz wig. And this prestigious honor goes to... (Draw name.) Jeff! (Read TL wig paragraph. Give wig to Jeff.) ** JEFF TAKES OVER AS HOST HERE ** (Read "rules for playing this game" paper, as instructed. Since this game is rather easy to host, I'll use simple descriptions from now on.) (Next answer is Limbo Dancing / 500. Read Answer Eight. Anticipate a response from Genevieve that doesn't count. Pick Mike to respond, knowing it'll be wrong. Pick Dr. Volkmer next. Anticipate a correct response. Shower him with praise. Give him 500 points. He's in the lead!) It's now time to deliver the alligator cap. (Draw name.) What a coincidence -- Dr. Volkmer! (Read alligator cap paragraph on "list of hats and their effects" sheet, out loud please. Have Tom present the hat to Dr. Volkmer. From now on, Dr. Volkmer will be attacking you after each Answer, so look out!) (Following the same format, pick Math / 500. Read Answer Two. If you feel like it, pick Mike to respond for comical purposes. For a real response, though, pick someone other than Dr. Volkmer. Make sure Dr. V attacks you before you mark down the person's score. Let him beat you into submission. Give Dr. V another 500 points.) Whew! That was interesting. Now, for the next hat, the red beret. (Draw name.) Jason! Jason is the lucky winner! (Read red beret paragraph. Have Tom present the hat to Jason.) Well, time is running short. We have two more questions to go, though Dr. Volkmer is so very heavily in the lead that we could call it quits here if the day's schedule is getting too tight. What do you say, Dr. Volkmer? (If you get his OK, continue. If not, I'll take over for you to wrap thing up... Again, same format here. Activities / 500. Answer Four. Pick somebody other than Dr. V. Anticipate an attack from Dr. V. Anticipate Jason stepping in. The hat this time is the Bridget Baines wig, to be presented to Lindsay, after which you should anticipate ANOTHER attack from Dr. V, and ANOTHER attempt by security to break it up. Nonetheless, in the end, Dr. V ends up with 500 more points.) (Final answer. Fiction Writing Class / 500. Answer Six. Call on Dr. Volkmer. No matter what he says in response, give him the last batch of 500 points.) It appears that Dr. V has won, but there's one more wig to be distributed: the Garth wig! (Draw name. Present it to Anthony.) And now, the game is over. The prize will be given out to today's winner, Dr. Jon Volkmer, by Tom. Thank you all for playing! ** Control returns to me (Tom) now. I present the tissue pack to Dr. Volkmer. The game show ends.