Milton Bradley's Flaming Cul du Sac
Thomas Lipschultz 10/18/00

     The second coming of Jesus? Yeah, I seen it. That is to say, I saw it. He was a boy with a
vision, and a very good vision it was, 20/20 I believe. And he also really wanted to design toys.
Lots and lots of toys. And not just normal toys, no -- he wanted to become such a big name in toy
design that everyone, including Tom, had difficulty remembering which toys he made and which
toys Fisher Price made.
     Fisher Price was a nasty ol' fool, very unwieldy and surly and wobbly like jello. I'da loved
to see him get toasted with a chainsaw or something, but it never happened. Just as well. He died
mysteriously one day after an angel came down with a shotgun. Wonder what ever happened to
ol' Fisher Price?
     Oh yeah, the second coming of Jesus. This guy wasn't born, but rather created when the
Big Cul Du Sac Fire of 1700 erupted. Millions of urban homes and cars were destroyed because it
was a damn big cul du sac, and that's why we don't remember that they had urban homes and cars
back then. But, out of the flames popped a boy who said his name was Milton. Milton Bradley.
He had a halo, a pitchfork, and two glass eyes. Nice fella', that Milton. I wish we'da gotten to
know him better before 'Nam. All my old toy buddies and I got separated in 'Nam. But, at least I
got to see him grow over 200 years old and form a toy company.
     And that's the story of how my old friend Jesus Valencia, founder of the orange, came
back into the spiritual body of Milton Bradley after his terrible, terrible demise in 1699.